Reincarnate

I'm not making this up! There are so many times Butterz shows up through Baxter!

Met and Exceeded

Well, it's been a week and I need to post this. We will see if i can get this done in one sitting.  One week ago today we said goodbye to the girl who started it all.  We let Cookie go.  Man that was hard to write.  But she is free of pain and free to run with Butterz.

It seems like so long ago, and really it was.  Oct 2012 Cookie was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  We immediately started 16 rounds of Radiation therapy to temporarily stop it's growth and attack on her.  And it did it's job for much longer than expected.  We had been told the average was 8 months to 1 year.  We made it well past that......Met and Exceeded.

But here's the thing, the average life span of a boxer is 10 years.  Cookie lived just past 12 1/2.  Once again, Met and Exceeded.  But really, that's what her entire life was about, exceeding.

Cookie was born exactly 1 week after we were married, September 22, 2001.  Nacho picked her out, or rather she picked him out.

You see, i had my eye on another boxer.  Turns out we met that boxer's owners by chance out on the river one day & put it all together.  Cookie even got to hang out with her fursis for a summer.

But then came Butterz - her furbrother who we adopted when they were about 4.  And those 2 hit it off instantly.

They didn't miss a beat from day one!

They were Yin and Yang

I could post an endless stream of pictures so i better stop now!
But there was no mistaking it, Cookie was always The One!

She was and will forever be Nacho's #1 girl!  And I am so okay with that!

As heartbreaking as Butterz's diagnosis and passing was, I think Cookie's was more gut wrenching.  We were devastated when we got the news that she too had a brain tumor - very common in boxers by the way.  But the good news was, hers was not as aggressive as his and we did have the option to seek Radiation Therapy.  And you knew we would.  As I have said in other posts during her last year and a half, we knew we got lucky with her.  We've been on the other side before where luck was not so good.  So we were grateful for every day we had with her.

In the last 5-6 months we began noticing the little signs that the tumor perhaps was back.  Walking around in circles is a big clue.  That went on for some time.  Loss of balance became another.  In her last few months we had resigned ourselves to carrying her up and down the stairs multiple times a day so she could go do her business in the yard.  Between all the snow here and her balance issues, doing it on her own was not an option.  We did not mind at all!

It was in the last 3 weeks the changes became more drastic.  Her balance issues were becoming a problem inside the house.  Not just tripping up or down the 3 steps inside the house, but bumping into walls, etc.  In the last week, we noticed the BIG clue for a brain tumor:  getting "lost" in corners.  Often they will walk into a corner and just stand there, staring.  She did a lot of that.  More than that, she began to "panic" in those corners.  She would freak out and try to climb up the wall in an attempt to get out of the corner.  Not a good sign.  For all we know this was a combination of the tumor and old age.  Our concern now became that she was going to hurt herself when we were not there to help her.

Suffice it to say, her final weekend was when we knew we had to make a decision.  We found blood in her stool and she had a seizure.  This was only going to get worse.  We could not let her live like that, that is not living.  So we made the decision to let her go.

Don't think it's all sad stories though.  Cookie was all about the happy remember.

I have owned a lot of dogs in my 45 years, and letting them go has always been a hard decision.  A decision that I have always questioned no matter how "right" I knew it was.  But not this time.  Cookie taught me something so important.  Something I never saw coming:  There is a sweet spot for letting a pet go.  Too early and you always ask "what if?"  Too long and you hate yourself for being selfish.  Not Cookie, not this girl.  I am convinced that her leaving happened at the exact second it was supposed to.  As sad as it was to let her go, it's hard to explain how perfect it felt.  It was so "Cookie".  She stepped forward to us that day 12 1/2 years ago, and she let us know she was ready to go 12 1/2 years later.

She saw a lot in those 12 1/2 years:
A record flood

A record snow

A perfect life on the river

Sunny days that didn't end

A brother that no time or distance could separate

And humans that loved her more than imaginable

She lived such a full life.  It's hard not to be sad, but don't......That simply wasn't her style.

Matchy Matchy

Mom searched for a long time but finally found bling for Baxter to match mine & Butterz (aka Matrix). They haven't made these for years so she was thrilled to find him one

Thank You!

that's 7 dozen Pizzelles for the VCA staff!

well, Tuesday was my last day of treatment.  my hoomans took the afternoon off to come up & get me & leave the staff with a gift of Italian Pizzelles - paw makes the best!  of course, Miss Kim had to get in a couple extra good byes with me!  she has been so good to me & the hoomans!

that's my graduation bandana

i was a little groggy this time since i got my treatment a little later in the morning. mom said she could still smell the booze (aka anesthesia) on my breath & i looked a little out of it in the car ride home.  i think i look fine!

but i did manage to pass out nap for most of the drive home.

i go back in 4 weeks (Dec 4th to be exact) for my 1st follow-up appointment.  after that it's every 3 months for the next year.  i have to stay on the steroids for the next month 2 but we will be weaning me off each week.  right now i stick to my 15mg twice a day & each week we go down.  

we cannot thank everyone enuff for all the support so far & what we know we'll continue to get.  

• everyone at VCA Aurora was spectacular!  mom says she hopes you NEVER have to go to a place like this, but if you do, don't hesitate & don't worry; they will do their best!  thank you Dr Looper, Dr Mercier, Kim, Maggie, Anthony & everyone!  not everyone walks out of there like we did, but you won't walk out alone!
• our friends & family who have been in constant contact to see how i'm doing and offer their #pawprayers
• our twitter friends.  OMD they have been amazing! Miss Clara (here or here) & i have been holding each other's paws the entire way & will continue to do so. if you don't think much about Twitter, you've never experienced the support mom has through this whole thing! thanks @bonnieboxer, @danapixie, @maggie68D, @Boo_boxer, @guccitheboxer, @SNUGGLELICIOUS, and just so many more that we don't have room for.
• and thanks @JessieTheBoxer (Jessie & Sammy) for that wonderful bunny!  Baxter says thanks too!

so we are keeping everything crossed & hoping we got rid of Mr Meanie! grrrrrr  Butterz would be proud!

ButterBoo

couldn't help it!  tried not to, but ma couldn't help it! today marks 2 years ago we had to let Butterz go.  ma was gonna post some favorite pics, but there's not enough room on the internets.  so here's just one of literally thousands she has of him.

Big lug!  always the lap puppy!  and he never did quite grow into the beautiful ears did he?

long over due

mom has been meaning to post these since they arrived shortly after the first of the year. with Miss Marley's passing, she finally got the guts to do it. losing Butterz has been awfully hard on us all.

we can't thank Kristen at Dog House Pet Portraits enough for them. she captured Butterz perfectly.  it was the perfect way to remember him!  originally mom was going to put them in the bedroom, but we've decided they will look better when the kitchen/dining remodel is done.  our builder is gonna change the design of a particular wall just for these. and people say we're spoiled. woof!

oh, for those that haven't met us in person, that's me (Cookie) on the left & Butterz on the right. mom says she'll be ordering one of Baxter some time this year too!

big news

we've got something big coming soon. promise. and Butterz would love it. heck we think he had something to do with it!

Bye Boo

Posted by Mom:

well, i have put this off as long as i could. every week i kept thinking i'd get up the courage to post something and each time i sat down to type, i'd back out. well, if i wait until i can type without crying then nothing will ever get done, and not posting it doesn't bring him back, so here goes.

when i last posted, we were taking Butterz home to say goodbye. on May 24th we did just that. but what happened in between? the short of it, we found out he had a brain tumor and it was cancer - glioblastoma to be precise. given the option to put him through radiation and send him home with "meds for comfort", we chose to let him go with dignity. i cannot possibly express how hard that decision was to make or how hard it has been ever since. barely a day has gone by that nacho and i have have not mourned in some form or fashion. i've cried more in the past 2 months than i thought possible. it's been a long time since i had to put a dog to sleep but that feeling of slipping away never ceases to amaze me. i know we made the right decision but it has not made the last several weeks any easier.

a little history about Butterz. of course his given name was Matrix. our dear friend Korby hooked us up with him. we'd heard about him since we'd gotten Cookie. Matrix was her brother. a kid in town had gotten a boxer from the same litter and it turned out to be Butterz. we'd heard all the stories about how big he was. anyone who'd seen both he and Cookie said "you gotta see this dog!" as misfortune or luck would have it, his owner was not able to keep him. so at just under 4 we (ME) offered to foster him to help the owner out. nacho was against this at first. when i went for my first meet and greet, i was taken back by his size and demeanor. this dog clearly had a lot to say! that never changed! but within a couple of weeks we both knew (1) we'd made the right decision and (2) he'd be with us permanently. it was quite the complement 6 months later when his owner said "you guys keep him. i could never give him what you give him." do not get me wrong, this guy was not a bad person, just bad timing.

we never looked back. Butterz challenged everything i knew about patience. but the last 2 years, he taught us more about working with what you've got! if he were a person, you'd say "he had such a zest for life!". on a scale of 1-10, Butterz was a 17. and it was with that perspective that we knew the right thing to do was to let him go when he still seemed like himself. i'd rather say he was a 13 when he left than a 2.

since we've said goodbye, i realized he taught me one HUGE thing: how much of my life he took up. his was the BIG head you saw in the window coming down the drive. he was the one sitting at the top of the steps staring at the driveway. he was the one that cleaned out the shower when you were done. he was the one that cuddled with me every night. he was the one that snored. he was the one that would jump head-even with you when he got excited about going somehwere. he was the one that made the most noise when you came home. he was the one that slobbered on everything. i know these things now because over the last few weeks i've missed all of them and more. Butterz was my stuffed animal come to life.

so it's been a terribly difficult 2 months. we all three have felt the loss. even more surprising though are the friends who've felt it with us. i cannot begin to describe the outpouring of support we got through all of this.

• our vet and their staff were amazing! they supported us by continuing to test everything they possibly could and reminding us we were not crazy for insisting they do so.
• the staff at U of I Veterinary Hospital. i cannot say enough about Dr Kubier. she called me a couple days after we had to let him go just to say she was thinking about me. in the midst of our ordeal she said "i believe there are pet soul mates and i believe Matrix is yours." yes he was. and she has no idea how much those words meant to me!
• the staff at Purdue University Veterinary Teaching Hospital. Dr's Moore and the student vet that helped him (whose name i cannot recall) were awesome. they understood what a tough decision it was for us to make and completely supported us! as Dr Moore said "that's the most selfless decision you can make." thanks Dr Moore!
• our good friends Sarvers. as Donna said later, they just kept bothering us so we'd get ourselves and Cookie out of the house. when we didn't or wouldn't talk to anyone, they'd come down and make us talk to them. Barry, your offer about Butterz ashes is one of the most moving things anyone has ever said to me. thank you!
• and countless friends and family that really seemed to feel this with us. people contacted us and said things that i never would have imagined. i mean to some people, "it's just a dog" but it was clear to those around us, he was not! he was a lot of things, but he was never just a dog! thank you all!

i consider my time with Butterz a true gift. i know this is a hard road to travel. and i know it is not supposed to be easy. i have a hard time looking forward because i know he's not in front of me. but every time i look back, there he is, in the middle of the road, encouraging me to keep walking, knowing with every step i take, his image gets more and more fuzzy, smaller and smaller. he should be here. and if he could, he'd come running up that road to me, ears and slobber flailing.

love you, miss you Boo!

the short of it

We are taking him home to say goodbye

not looking good

Try 2 keep this short. He has brain pressure & they r afraid it will hemorage. No vision n lft eye. Waiting for mri as soon as they can get him n. Even that could cause hemorage. Mom and paw r a mess. Paw made it here a little while ago. We r at Purdue Univ. Met some nice people who really care. Prayers pls

Butterz update

mom is back at U of I vet (it's 10p now) waiting to see if they are taking brother to neurologist in aurora or in purdue, in. he has "an absent menace in the left eye and papilledema of the left eye. These findings are suggestive of a right cortex lesion." so they are concerned about the right side of his brain. does he have swelling? is there a cancer issue? these are the things we need to see neuro for. we do know he has lost vision in his left eye cuz of what they said above.
big thanks to Dr Kubier. she has been so awesome and thinks brother is "so sweet and special." look at him picking up chicks!

slumber party

well, brother is attending his first slumber party and mom forgot to take PJ's for him. he's spending the night at U of I Vet clinic. it was a long day for both brother and mom. they are gonna run a bunch more test and we hope to have him back home tomorrow. mom said the vets were very nice and brother really liked the first vet (of course she can't remember her name) and the 2nd vet, Dr Kubier, was very nice.

mom did get the cytology report back from our local vet this morning and everything came back good. they didn't find anything. they are gonna run another one while at U of I just cuz it doesn't hurt.

a HUGE shout out to everyone that emailed, texted, or called mom today to make sure she was okay too. she really appreciates that! and keep up the good thoughts for butters cuz we miss him already!

mom is really concerned now

as much as we'd like to look on the bright side, mom is having a really hard time after last night and this morning. brother is the most "out of it" she's seen him this whole time. his eyes aren't droopy but he's just out of it. he threw up all his dinner last night so mom made him some white rice to settle his tummy. he slept on the floor all night. he's never done that in the 6 years we've had him. so mom didn't sleep at all. mom had to actually carry him down the stairs to go to the bathroom this morning cuz he just stood there. wouldn't move. and you know mom has a bad back! and he's drooling a lot again. this is simply killing her.

we called the vet yesterday to see what was up with the blood work but they reminded mom that cytology tests can take a week or more to come back. she had to explain to me that cytology was testing for cancer. please pray for brother and mom!

ButterzMeter

mom asked me to add a Butterz Meter for daily monitoring since so many people have asked and have been nice enough to check in on him each day.

the last 2 days have been pretty good for him. mom says he was more of a 4-5. he trotted out to the yard for "business" and did the "burn out" after. he even played a little keep away with mom on Sunday. this morning he was a little slow, but we're not gonna worry too much, just give him plenty of rest and happy thoughts!

oh, and at my Tweet said, we talked to Miss Donna this morning (along with Rupert & Kelso) and she's gonna check into a masseuse for brother. get him some PT. lucky dog!

butterz - vet visit #5

first off, let me apologize for taking so long to post and update about brother. ma and paw were super busy this weekend and ma wanted me to hold off posting anything so she could stop being such a nervous wreck. the short of it, brother is fine but we still have no answers.

so they're getting to know brother better than ever at the vet. he's now visited their 2nd location. if he makes it to their 3rd office i think he gets a free wash! mom took him in Friday for his ultrasound. they didn't find anything which of course is good news. some things the vet said:

• no tumors, cysts, etc
• liver looks fine - a little small for his size but they are not worried
• kidneys look good - although 1 was hard to see cuz he'd eaten that morning (mom didn't know she wasn't s'pose to feed him)
• blood work is being sent off for testing and they'll have that back Mon or Tues (mom can't remember what all they're testing for - she's old)
• range of motion is good - the vet did notice the "wincing" but they could find nothing causing it and he doesn't seem to be experiencing any pain
• everything else looked good. they ran a bunch of test that they told ma about but she couldn't remember all of those either - she's not a medical-type person

BUT, ma was relived to know from all medical standpoints he seems to be fine and there doesn't seem to be any "terminal" issue going on. so she said she would try and relax and just let him be his slow self for now. maybe he just needs a vaca. she is giving us a multi-vitamin at night now and we still get our cosamine each morning.

paw said brother looked like he was better yesterday but ma wouldn't comment. she doesn't want to jinx it. but today, she admitted he seemed better. still more sleepy than normal in the morning BUUUUUT, he actually played a small game of chase with ma this afternoon and she even got him to chase a rock (brother LOVES chasing rocks). he was slow but he got excited about it; something he hasn't done this whole time. and when Miss Katie said "rock" earlier, he actually perked his ears up! so keep those positive thoughts coming. they are helping!!!!

to top things off, and ma thinks maybe it's all part of the turn around, when brother was at the vet getting poked and prodded Friday, ma ran into Stubby (brother's 1st dad). and Stubby said "i have some pictures for you out the truck". he'd been carrying them around for a while. he didn't even know brother was feeling down. and it turns out ma had been wanting a puppy picture all this time. see ma adopted brother when we were 3 so she doesn't have those pics. we'll here's brother as a pup. you can see he had a lot of ears to grow into.

thanks again everyone for the positive thoughts, and ma will keep you posted when she hears something Mon or Tues. our next step, if we decide to take it and/or brother needs it, is to go down to U of I and visit with a specialist. let's all pray we don't have to go that far and whatever this is, will pass! ma will settle for that at this point!

Butterz - day 13

we got the thyroid test back from the vet yesterday and it came back neg/good/clean whatever you want to say. they don't think brother's test needs any additional picking/poking at so i guess they are not gonna send it on to Michigan State. i think mom is gonna ask about that today when she talks to them. she is trying to get him in for an ultrasound tomorrow morning. they can do it Tues here in Chilli, but if she can get him in tomorrow, she can take him to the Peoria office.

he was still "tired" last night but eating and bathroom all seem normal. still drinking more than normal - mom thinks. mom got a little worried at one point cuz he went in and laid on the bathroom floor and wouldn't come out. mom thinks it was cuz of the heated floor. but she was so concerned that she went in 3 times to take his pulse to make sure it was normal. he did finally come out and watched tv with me an mom (actually he watched the inside of his eyelids). but mom didn't have a problem getting him moving to go for bathroom breaks later in the night.

at bed time he decided for the first time ever to sleep on the floor at the foot of the bed. mom was pretty busted up about this but let him do it and didn't try to force him up into the bed. i liked having all that extra room but i missed him. he must have missed us too cuz he did get up and get in the bed some time during the night - we found out he left paw asleep on the floor though (see paw is concerned).

so we're still waiting it out and hoping it gets better and thanking everyone for checking in on us. mom isn't really talking about it much anymore cuz she so worried. so if she seems like she's avoiding it, she is kinda. don't be offended.

Update: Butterz has a 110p appointment tomorrow for his ultrasound

Vet Visit #4

Today's Guest Speaker: Ma

so this makes the 4th visit to the vet in just over a week. so far, nothing has changed. Butterz is still lethargic - most notable in the evening. but he is still eating & pooping normally. no vomiting. he does seem to be drinking more than normal.

when the vet called yesterday to check on him i told them all that. also told them about the particularly bad Reverse Sneezing episode Sat/Sun and really pushed the whole allergy angle. they said i could give him Benedryl twice a day and see if it helps but they still don't think it's allergies mostly because he's not showing other signs like redness in the ears, scratching, sneezing, coughing, etc. i'm trying not to panic and question too much, cuz (1) they do this for a living and know what they are doing and (2) they know my dog and care what happens to him. so i'm holding off on Benedryl for now. he finished his Rimadyl Sun night so we're off that and we decided to stop the muscle relaxer at the same time - we just don't think that was helping anything. so, for now, he's just on antibiotics.

last night was the best he's acted in over a week. actually trotted out to the yard and back for "business". but, as usual, later in the evening, same lethargy and drooping eyes. i'm just trying not to get to worked up about that.

so i took him in to the vet today and they drew blood. they did reiterate that from the blood draw Monday of last week that his white blood cell count was good, no heart worm, no anemia. basically everything looked good. they suspect it will be the same today but they will compare last Monday to today to see if there are any changes in any of the numbers. they also did a draw for thyroid. that test should be back tomorrow and they suspect it will come back normal at which time they will send it to Michigan State for more intense testing just in case. i did ask them to test for Lyme disease as well - i'm grasping - and they are keeping diabetes in mind but i don't think we're testing for that just yet. we're then planning on running an ultrasound either Friday or Tues of next week just to look deeper in case there is something we're missing.

and as usual, they are encouraging me to focus on the fact that he is eating normally and no vomiting or diarrhea. it was encouraging as well, that they felt like we are doing all the things we can in terms of paying attention to any behavior stuff and doing our homework, without overdoing it and freaking out! that's not been easy.

so i'll keep posting and am open (to a degree cuz i can't get all freaked out) to ideas anyone has.

Butterz update

so talked to the vet a little while ago and we're changing the focus. first, mom took Butterz off Rimadyl & muscle relaxer as of last night. we don't think it's helping and it's probably making him more lethargic. he had terrible Reverse Sneezing fits yesterday so mom did a little more searching and it can be caused "by irritants and even some dog allergies". mom is really hoping this whole thing turns out to be allergies. so we're off to get brother some Benedryl today and start him on that. we are going to leave him on the antibiotic in case there is something viral lurking. but, most importantly, mom is gonna take brother in first thing tomorrow for thyroid check. doc said it's easy to do and easy to treat if there is an issue. so keep the positive thoughts coming and we'll let you know what we find out on Wed!

update: big thanks to Miss Laura. she tipped us off to get children's benedryl.

mystery illness

well things are not necessarily better with brother. mom is no pinning hopes on his problem being allergies. the vet called yesterday and to check in on us and brother had a little more pep but not much. mom is gonna continue the meds until they run out which will probably be Wed or no later than the end of the week. but we don't think they are doing any good. the vet will call her again tomorrow for an update so she'll tell them nothings changed then and they may say just take him off.

for anyone who hasn't seen the post on BoxerForums, brother is just very lethargic. as Ms T noticed, you can see it in his eyes. they just don't look "normal". mom took a pic just now and this is what they look like when he's at his worst and you wake him up.

once you get him up and moving they look more normal, not as much pink but something still doesn't look right. brother is like me and normally has a ton of energy and he's quite the talker. but not much of that is happening this week. he's eating normally and no vomiting. bathroom breaks are normal. ma and paw think he's drinking more water than normal but he's a big drinker so it's hard to tell. the vet did take blood last Monday and they didn't find anything. so all we can do is wait it out at this point and hope whatever this is passes. happy thoughts for us please cuz mom needs it almost as much as brother!

HappyFeet